A Fear of Mine

 I’m afraid of pain.

Gut-wrenching pain that makes you want to cut out its source.

Pain that makes you question life in its entirety.

I’m not afraid of death.

Death is an inevitable truth that I can all but prepare for.

No one can stop it, so I welcome it when it knocks on my door.

I fear the pain that can come with death.

An uninvited guest that I wish would leave.

An indescribable feeling that I cannot ignore.

I desire death without pain.

Possible yet it feels unattainable.

Akin to sleeping when you long to.

I endure pain every day.

Stubbing my toe or burning my tongue.

Poking myself because I feel numb. 

I confront death every day.

Paranoia from an accident waiting to happen.

Thoughts that are unwilling to cease.

I cannot face this fear of mine until the shadow comes,

so I brace myself for when I must face the grim reaper and the scythe that he seems to love.